hot cards

outside: happy belated birthday
inside: self absorption sure is time consuming

outside: a celebration is nigh
inside: let’s suck helium and do shots!

outside: a celebration is nigh
inside: let’s suck helium and do shots!

outside: you are so much better than my last boyfriend
inside: blank

outside: you bacon
inside: there is no comparison. happy birthday

outside: it’s your birthday
inside: let’s get naked and lick each other!

outside: happy birthday motherfucker!
inside: blank

outside: happy birthday motherfucker!
inside: blank

outside: i’ve almost smelled all of you off my pillow…
inside: will you please come over?

outside: if we were squirrels…
inside: i would gather nuts for you.

outside: let’s raise monkeys together
inside: blank

outside: we are soul mates okay?
inside: blank

outside: sister…
inside: you are a bitch and I love you.

outside: i want to tattoo your name…
inside: on my ass.

outside: you may be a year older…
inside: but you can barely notice.

outside: you make me smile…
inside: blank

outside: you make me feel all funny inside
inside: blank

outside: you are a nerd and i think it’s wonderful!
inside: blank

outside: we are a wicked team!
inside: blank

outside: some people find the holidays stressful…
inside: I just say, bring it on Beotch!

outside: i pretend my pillow is you at night…
inside: you still hog all the covers.

outside: happy birthday…
inside: let’s get pickled!

outside: i am absolutely fine with us just being friends…
inside: who needs blowjobs?

outside: i simply adore the holidays…
inside: they give me that comfy bloated kinda feeling.

outside: i miss you i miss you i miss you…
inside: blank

outside: i know we just met…
inside: but I want to chew on your ass.

outside: i heart you
inside: blank

outside: if we were squirrels…
inside: i would gather nuts for you.

outside: i fucked up…
inside: blank

outside: if i were a bobcat…
inside: i would disembowel you with tenderness.

outside: i am in mad love with you…
inside: it’s that simple.

outside: hello sweety…
inside: blank

outside: i’m kinda having a hard time concentrating…
inside: blank

outside: happy birthday!
inside: you are a punk and i love you.

outside: fuck christmas let’s fuck
inside: blank

outside: even if we are just co-workers…
inside: you brighten up my miserable day.

outside: let’s form ourselves into a half donut and wear silly hats this holiday season
inside: glad to be getting through it with you.

outside: i am deeply lonely without you
inside: blank

outside: i was planning on playing computer games tonight
inside: but the thought of your hot ass might get in the way.

outside: you are always always in my thoughts
inside: blank

outside: soon the special day will come…
inside: until then we will brace ourselves. congratulations!

outside: slugs are a challenge to love
inside: unlike you. happy birthday!

outside: a gift from god
inside: congratulations!

outside: i am fucking full of inner wisdom
inside: blank

outside: you so pretty you make my eyes crooked
inside: blank

outside: congratulations
inside: you may now have sexual intercourse

outside: the thought of losing you makes me want to barf
inside: blank

outside: dearest brother
inside: you stink and i love you

outside: they say that your partner is a reflection of your true self…
inside: and i’m sorry

outside: go fuck yourself
inside: you seem to be handling this very well